In Court of Judge Harold Wright witness confesses
to successful, cheap scheme to murder mosquitoes 

“I swear, Your Honour, the best way to murder mosquitoes is Listerine, the original medicinal type. The Dollar Store-type works, too. I was at a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. And voila! That worked as well. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the area around the food table, the children's swing area, and the standing water nearby. During the summer, I don't leave home without it.”

Another witness said: “I tried this on my deck and around all of my doors. It works — in fact, it killed them instantly. I bought my bottle from Target and it cost me  $1.89. It really doesn't take much, and it is a big bottle, too, so it’s not as expensive as the can of spray you buy that doesn't last 30 minutes. The Listerine container will last a couple of days. Don't spray directly on a wood door (like your front door), but spray around the frame. Spray around the window frames and even inside the doghouse if you have one. Also, it can be used to dab any bites you receive. It will stop the itching quicker and go away faster.”

“Case dismissed,” said Judge Wright, scowling at the prosecutor. “There’s nothing on the books about first, second, or third degree murder of mosquitoes.”

With that Judge Wright headed for the nearest Dollar Star to buy a bottle of Listerine.